Four Nights Drunk

(traditional)

The other night I came home as drunk as I could be,
There was this horse in the stable where my horse ought to be
I said to my wife, my pretty little wife, explain this thing to me.
What's that horse doing in the stable where my horse ought to be,
And she said, "You blind fool, you drunken old fool, can't you never see?
That's nothing but an old milk cow that my granny gave to me!"
Well, I've traveled this world over, ten thousand miles or more,
And a milk cow with a saddle, I never did see before!

The other night I came home as drunk as I could be,
There was this hat on the hat rack, where my hat ought to be
I said to my wife, my pretty little wife, explain this thing to me.
What's that hat a' doing on the hat rack where my hat ought to be,
And she said, "You blind fool, you drunken old fool, can't you never see?
That's nothing but an old bedpan that my granny gave to me!"
Well, I've traveled this world over, ten thousand miles or more,
And a J. B. Stetson bedpan, I never did see before!

The other night I came home as drunk as I could be,
There was a pair of pants upon the chair where my pants ought to be
I said to my wife, my pretty little wife, explain this thing to me.
What're those pants doing upon the chair where my pants ought to be!
And she said, "You blind fool, you drunken old fool, can't you never see?
That's nothing but an old dishrag that my granny gave to me!"
Well, I've traveled this world over, ten thousand miles or more,
And a dishrag with a zipper, I never did see before!

The last night I came home as drunk as I could be,
There was this head on my pillow where my head ought to be
I said to my wife, my pretty little wife, explain this thing to me.
What's that head a' doing on my pillow where my head ought to be,
And she said, "You blind fool, you drunken old fool, can't you never see?
That's nothing but an old cabbage head, that my granny gave to me!"
Well, I've traveled this world over, ten thousand miles or more,
And a cabbage head with acne, I never did see before!